Dark Shadows: A spook, a spoof….. what is it?

A movie needs to be sure of what it is or what it wants to be for it to create an impression on the audience. Sitting through Dark Shadows, one tries to figure out what the movie wants to be. Is it a funny tale of a vampire who is released after 196 years in a box or is it the story of how a vampire comes back to restore family honour and reclaim his lost love? Well, at the end, you realize that perhaps even the makers weren’t too sure of what they wanted to deliver.

You have Barnabas Collins being accidentally released from a chained coffin, trying to come to terms with a world that has changed greatly since he was locked up. You have the dilapidated Collins’ mansion which he returns to, vowing to restore the lost glory of the family fishing business which has been drubbed into the depths by one Angelique. Then you are told that Angelique is not just an astute businesswoman, but has some connection with the past of the Collins.

Well, the plot is definitely interesting, could have made for an interesting script. But, it keeps plodding in so many different directions, takes on so many different hues and tries to be so many things, that in the end, it is none of what it tried to be. You have Barnabas ‘vampire’ Collins speaking witty and sometimes tongue-in-cheek lines (sometimes intentionally and at other times because he still two centuries behind), after which he is seen going on a killing spree. Amidst this, he finds time to have some ‘monster sex’ with Angelique ( a scene that seems to be thrust in there) while also successfully restoring a semblance of respect to the family business. Of course, there is also the small matter of his two century-old love story resurfacing.

The film is supposedly about the rivalry between Collins and Angelique. But, the script couldn’t resist the temptation of being swayed by witticisms, sarcasm and other superfluous extras. And, then there is climax (which of course has to be a face off between Collins and Angelique) where you have a couple of big surprises waiting for you; can’t tell how people would react to it.

Johnny Depp, well, there is nothing in here that challenges him. He has to look ‘stoned’ for most part, as one of the characters says. Has to twirl his fingers in a ‘hypnotising’ move and plug in to a few necks apart from uttering the odd witty line. Eva Green has to look menacing and ‘bewitching’, especially during the monster sex scene. She does her theatrics well. Most of the movie is dark, as you would expect when a vampire is in it. The music sometimes gives you the feeling that you are watching a comedy or a spoof. One is not quite sure whether that effect was intended. Art is perhaps the one aspect of the movie that looks consistent.

Dark Shadows might make sense to those who have already seen, and are fans of, the TV series. Others might find it difficult to really understand the nature of the movie. It is not spooky, funny or dramatic enough. The rivalry doesn’t really make you take sides, the love story does not endear. You might manage the odd smirk or smile here or there. But, otherwise, it is plain sailing. You could watch it once, but even if you do not, then you are not missing much. If you want to watch a good spoof with a vampire in it, try ‘Dracula Dead and Loving it’ instead.

The makers are in the dark about what they wanted to deliver!